the nicotine slowly floats to my head creating a whirlwind with its miniscule seedlings thoughts get thrown around without ever settling I love you with hesitation I let you free with reluctance "My little angel" you say the whirl calms - and rages on with greater fury unsettled I trust you Nicotine threatens to kill uncontrollable my head explodes debris never settling in and out second hand smoke trails into my brain rendering it unhappy and in pain tears induced sleep reluctance to wake to face life I can only wait...helplessly...

Dear god, she's gorgeous.

The trees, my orchestra.
The wind, my acoustics.
The birds, my harmony.
The frost, my confetti.
The flowers, my lady audience.
The grass, my male audience.
The horses, my dancers.
Autumn leaves, my fireworks.

My Voice, for You.

I wanted to bitch about British girls. But I went for a talk, and I changed my mind (for now). The speaker's name is Nicholas Yarris, and he spent 23 years on the Death Row, for a crime he did not commit. More details of his "crime" can be found here: http://www.innocenceproject.org/Content/302.php

"The state (Singapore) had the highest per-capita execution rate in the world between 1994 and 1999, estimated by the United Nations to be 13.57 executions per one million population during that period."

Yes, I'm talking about the Death Penalty. (Yes I hear your "hoo"s and "haa"s; and jiehui's nagging voice at the back of my head "there's nothing you can do about it vane! that's just the way the world is!")

Yarris could have died -- for nothing. He had 150 years of a sentence to his name, and the Death Penalty. All for crimes he did not commit. He was a druggie, and hence an easy target and victim for the policemen to exert their power and authority. To wrongly accuse him, that is. [At this point, I'd like to recommend the movie Crash, the Oscar winning one, not the other crap one.]

Pardon my incoherence and inarticulate-ness. I've talked about the Death Penalty before, but someone shot me down and said that it is necessary. But now, I think I am more capable of substantiating my stand that the Death Penalty should be abolished. And Yarris put it very simply why so: "Simply because I don't trust people with such power." He brought up how the Nazis killed the disabled because they are weak. A similar situation may arise. Say one day George Bush decides that the disabled people are wasting the resources of the country and hence decides to kill them all. They, or he, has the power to. Just one signature and off with their heads.

Then someone brought up the issue of the killing of Saddam (that 911 guy). Was it not right to kill him for the 3000 people he killed? No, says Yarris. Observe the uproar, the unrest of his people. Observe how terrorism has bloomed. It wasnt Saddam who caused it. It's that Bush. Apparently Bush made a speech a few days after 9/11 to say something along the lines that it's his fault that the world is in such a mess and people's lives are threatened. He wanted to organise an Amnesty gathering of sorts, where anybody and everybody could come together to "make peace". I doubt it happened.

I digress. I was talking about the Death Penalty. And I cant help but think of Shakespeare's Measure for Measure. (Yea, cliche, I know.) I mean, who are we to send someone off to the gallows. Who are we to claim to be in the name of Justice? So what if the murderer took someone's life? You taking the murderer's life makes you one too. Here I argue on a highly debatable notion - morality. But. Yarris says it's not about morality. It's reality. People in power do what they want. Possession of drugs in Singapore sends you straight to the ropes. You have one chance of appeal. HUR.

Yarris claims not to be a Liberal. Yes to life sentence; no, to the death penalty. Reasons are those I've just discussed. Yarris is 46 years old now. "I can finally say that I've lived half my life -- free." In prison, he was tortured, contracted Hepatitis C, was fed poison to counter his illness, and was scoffed at whenever he mentions he is innocent. Even the guy who came to file his appeal. People in power, my friends.

He is now an activist, giving talks around the world, telling people about his story. Hopefully, he gathers enough support to abolish the death penalty once and for all. And his approach, while lamentable, is highly effective. That is, through money. He's telling businesses to boycott states that support the death penalty. Businesses that are worth billions to the economy of the state. And well, who cares about the fucking death penalty when their wealth and luxuries are at stake?

I shall end here. My point (uh huh- i hear you jiehui), is just to let people know. Make people have a stand. And with that, stand up against such a stupid punishment. Honestly, I felt sad when I saw the figures on wikipedia, on the number of people Singapore has killed under the death penalty. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_in_Singapore

We have killed so many people that it is no longer the case of 杀一警百. (Direct translation: Kill one to scare the others.) It's the case of waving a sword in a crowd and killing anyone who dares enter your radius. (Well, I exaggerate, but.) Obviously, Singaporeans have no issue with this law. Until someone of kin becomes convicted. And dear god, for the possession of drugs you get killed. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! How serious can that be!?!?! *breathes*

This is a note of awareness. Amnesty International is where you can support such fights for human rights. Whatever that entails, I'm not quite sure. But honestly I dont trust our government with such power to kill.

Things I do when I try to study. Nothing fantastic..but fun. (As compared to econs, what else can be more boring huh.)





My days are spent waiting to see her night.
My nights are spent waiting to see her day.

Its funny how whilst I was back in Nanyang/VJC, everybody had no hope in me. Everyone thought I was going to fare HORRIBLY for my exam. End up in a school of the lowest "rank", and become someone with no "achievements".

Then while I'm in uni, EVERYBODY tells me that I'll be amazing. And that I'll pass and score good grades. Everybody SUDDENLY has "faith" in me. "You can do this Vanessa, you can do that."

Its funny what money can do. Fucking hypocrites.

p.s. I'm not angry. I'm just highly amused, and slightly bummed. And I'm swearing once again that I will not work for money.

K's Choice – Home


An amazing song with amazing vocals. "Home" by K's Choice.


p.s.If anyone is able to find the tab/piano score, or compose it, do let me know! And if people want the song, just ask me to send it to you via msn. :)

...and decided i should blog since i'm bored already. :P

And then there's a knock on my door, delivering my much craved for chinese food. *swoon* I've been surviving on shit food, with the occassional feast of roast meat or pasta or pizza. Eating irregularly at 4pm or 10pm or eating nothing at all. 5 weeks of that is definitely enough and a feast of S$25.50 worth of chinese food is definitely well deserved. I get King Prawn Chow Mien (as they spell it), and 6 fried wan ton with sweet and sour sauce. *knees go weak, not that i'm standing up*

Ok. I just finished my lovely dinner and I'm exploding with chinese food. Although I continue to stuff myself with the leftovers. BURPS. and FARTS.

Anyway, I initially planned to write an amazing essay inspiring and stirring up feelings among Singaporeans. But I have decided that keeping things short and sweet is the way to go. Non non. Dont worry. It's not about 377A. Its over. I'll go back to Singapore to mutilate Thio Li Ann, but that's about it. What I want to talk about is about disabled people. As you all know, I've started working at the Arts Centre in my school. As like a Front of House, ticketing person. So there were some trainings I had to attend. And the last one was about disability.

The first thing that comes to mind upon the words "diabled people", is wheelchaired people. And blind people. Well, you guys are ALL WRONG. Not entirely, but, still wrong. Pfft. Apparently, there is a HUGE distinction between disability and impairment. And, An 'impairment' becomes 'disabling' in social and cultural context, and NOT because they're born with it (or not). These people become "disabled" BECAUSE the public does not cater to them. That is, the wheelchair user's inability to enter a building is due to the absence of a ramp, for example.

Well. With that said, Singapore is really shit, isnt it. With the circular stuff on the floor at MRT stations, that end when you reach outside the station. With brills on random walls.

In England, every door has this button that you press, and the door opens automatically. Although this is often used by normal (lazy) people. In England, there is a ramp, for every building. In England, at my Arts Centre, they have headsets to cater for the hearing impaired; they have sign language presenters for some shows, and they have extra large seats in the theatre for the fat people. In Singapore, if you're deaf, blind, or even fat, you're basically unable to enter the theatre. How bloody shit is that. The buses have RAMPS and specially allocated spaces for the wheelchair users. There is an ENTIRE carpark that is set aside SPECIALLY for disabled people. They are the priviledged here in England. No doubt a minority! WHY GAY PEOPLE CANT EVEN HAVE SEX IN SINGAPORE!?!?! Ahem. Sorry, I digress.

Ah well. That wasnt very short eh. Cant help it. I have developed the Old Woman Syndrome, and contracted the deadly disease that comes along - The Nag.

I fucking hate being in England, but there are certain things here that make me drop my head in shame for being Singaporean.

Watched a couple of Singapore films at the film festival at my school yesterday. My god. Singaporean filmakers are OBSESSED. OBSESSED OBSESSED OBSESSED. with old people. wtf. And Singapore Gaga REALLY didnt live up to its name. Boring, completely not insightful, nor artistic. Purely a (lame) presentation of things I ALREADY KNOW. Although there was a film by Kelvin Sng, that was a tribute to Japanese ultra-violent porn/cult films that was pretty good. Almost like hostel. Just with crap actors. And these directors complained about a small audience pool. I wonder WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Dont get me wrong you know. I completely support local artists, which is why I criticise them when they disappoint me. Heh.