I apologize for not updating. I promise you I have not ran out of things to say/rant, but just that I have not the time to write a coherent piece. (check out my drafts and you'd know what I mean). But I have recently created a new blog--sort of my pseudo-political alterego. Something more for me to publicize, and brainwash the world with (my amazing ideologies). So here it is:

http://thatqword.wordpress.com

I'll save this space for more personal, erotic stuff. :)

p.s. I've changed my address, it's now
29B Landseer Road
London
N19 4JU
:D

39A Blackstock Road
London
N4 2JF
UK

07760134041.

:)

i r back.

and feeling slightly inspired by this guy: A Singapore Taxi Driver's Diary

PhD student from Stanford driving a taxi in Singapore.

Some of the comments on his blog reminds me of what my dad said to me recently: my expectation for you is for you to earn as much as your peers. It's the least you can do after I've spent so much on your education in the UK. (fyi. my peers have gone on to be accountants, consultants, economists, and high-income-high-flying-white collar wearing-people). And what I'm doing now? Working at a chinese pub in Outram for a pay of $10/hr.

Occassionally I do feel like wtf am I doing. Especially when I tell people I have just graduated (and when they probe-from a UK university), and the look on their faces makes me think twice about what I am doing. Pouring alcohol for customers, playing games with them, making them drink.. (doesn't help that my manager wants me to dress pretty + put on make up). And also the fact that I went to a UK university to study means that I come from a pretty wealthy background... and my dad used to say to me, why do I want to fight for the jobs that some other people reaaally need? [and my brother just recently said that i'm wasting money going to study masters when all i want to work for is in the humanitarian sector -- a sector that will make sure i will never be rich.]

But really. Before you guys start jumping to conclusions, I am going to put my foot down and say that this is one of the best experiences I have had. Just as Dr Taxi driver has so many stories to tell - so do I. They may be very short and simple stories, but they are still stories that unless intoxicated with alcohol, one would never hear or experience. No doubt that there are some stories that I'd much rather not hear (although on hindsight they are quite funny).

Well basically what I am rambling on about I guess is that your career choice need not be determined by your qualification (especially when I did my qualification out of pure duty). And that there's so much more to life when you explore things that are generally out of your "path". Even better if you don't have "path", because then you have an excuse to venture about and experience life and the amazing stuff it has. Unless of course you're not into that and just want stability and money and all the jazz (I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with chasing money and material desires but that's really just not my cup-of-tea and people need to start realising that there are many varieties of teas out there!). Don't jump to conclusions like "you're wasting time being a taxi driver when you have a PhD" or in my case "you're wasting resources by being a pei jiou mei (beer-girl)". Keep an open mind! Seriously.

I have met so many different kinds of people in the pub it's actually pretty amazing. People that I never thought existed in Singapore; stories that I thought I'd never hear of in Singapore. And if anything, I am pretty sure my conversational chinese is back to the standards when I was in Nanyang! And my hokkien vocabulary has definitely ventured beyond the vulgarities. How cool is that.




p.s.: they're actually really good. :D

people with talent think that the fine line dividing talent and hard work doesn't cut -- cut through flesh and bone and work that is so hard it can scratch diamond.

Seriously. Within the past two weeks, my little slot in my door (my mail-hole) has been constantly fed with propaganda from the British National Party (BNP). Notorious for being fascists, racists, anti-immigrants, and in complete denial that the Holocaust ever happened. And you thought hardcore propaganda only belonged to the pages of our Social Studies textbook, or China, or North Korea. Either that, or in the form of television advertisements that infiltrate your mind. The best part is, the BNP does have support - not a huge fan base, but still. According to wikipedia, they received 0.7% of the vote in the 2005 UK general elections. That is about 500,000 people.

Well, what happened is this. Today was my friend's 21st birthday, so we went out for dinner and then decided to head to a pub to grab a couple of drinks. In my 2 and a half years in England, I have always managed to prove my age - in pubs, buying cigarettes etc - with my Singapore I/C or my driving license. But today, one of the biggest pub chains in England - Wetherspoons, has decided that they are no longer accepting foreign ID as a form of proof of age. When asked why and how, the door-bastard simply told us that it's a new policy by the Warwickshire Council and Police, and that passports are the only form of identity they accept.

So now, people, where is the logic? People go to pubs to get drunk/high/merry. Passports? Seriously? So that we will so keep an eye on it when we lose inhibitions and be completely unaccountable for important possessions???? And besides, isn't this just a plain form of discrimination, perfectly echoing the sentiments of the BNP??? Leamington is a bloody STUDENT'S town. Warwick is an INTERNATIONAL university. Furthermore, there were absolutely no publicity of such a policy. (If people are starting to think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and finding discrimination where there really isn't, then well, I should tell you that I am the kind of person who thinks discrimination is usually self-imposed, and that one shouldn't be overly paranoid about it cos it simply reflects the kind of person you are. Ask me and i'll explain further.)

The door-bastard told us that if we had any complains, go to the police station, which we did (it was 5 minutes away). And guess what, surprise surprise. Policewoman said, "This is news to me". I.e. she has never heard of such a policy being implemented, and that she thinks that the door-bastard was really, a bastard.

The only logical next step was to go back and confront the door bastard, who wasn't at the door this time, so we easily walked into the pub. oh, irony. But we found him and told him that the police said there was no such thing. Oh, and surprise surprise again, "My manager told me about this. I'm only the messenger". Ah, pointing fingers is so damn easy huh.

Me and my law-student friend is going to write a letter to that manager (who wasnt there at the time), and demand a damned good explanation or some form of (monetary) compensation. HAH. Updates to follow.

I have never been the social butterfly, as most of you know. Sure, I can talk to people I've met for the first time if introduced, but I don't normally bring the relationship any further. I am not the kind who has a thousand friends on facebook and I don't normally make a huge effort to put myself out there and "make" friends (macium add some flour, eggs, water and viola).

I suck at making "proper" friends. I kinda suck at keeping them as well. But those people whom I like and can talk to, I normally make an effort to keep them in my life. (This is probably not a situation unique to me, but I'd thought I'd say this just to make things clear about where I stand.)

SO. It kinda sucks when people whom you thought of as important people decides to walk away (dusting their bums or whatever). I've made about.. 5 or 6 good friends ever since coming to Uni, and have probably lost about 2 or 3. No, I didn't offend them, or insult them, or neglect them. They just chose to walk right out on me. Reason? Well, at least for two of them, I believe, it's because they've found "new" friends. And as the saying goes, out with the old, in with the new. It really kinda sucks. It's almost like a slap in the face saying, you're fucking shit, I'm gonna go play with people 10 times more fun and entertaining than you are (given how I enjoy being an entertainer, this is probably the greatest insult).

Seriously mannn.. I had to invite myself over to their places. I asked one of them out continuously. And all I get is, sorry, busy. sorry, busy. or quite simply, the cold shoulder. It was his birthday yesterday, and me and his other friend wanted to celebrate with him. Birthday boy asked for suggestions as to where to go, and I happily gave him some options - chill at his place, head to a pub in the town we live in, or go to a strip club (uh huh). And the reply I got was "errr i'm staying in coventry (the other town which is an hour away from the town we live in)today.. so leamington will be out of the question".

Blah.. I knew he had this new group of friends -- he has ditched me and his other mate countless times to go play with them. But I thought we could all celebrate at his house and we could all finally meet, but no. I asked him since a week before his birthday what he was gonna do -- and all i get is "i'm going to sit on the toilet bowl". And I thought the friendship we had was better than that.

I could go on ranting about the countless times he said he wanted to do something with me and then at the last minute, ran off to his other group of friends. Said he wanted to jam with me -- ran off with his friends. Said he wanted to go see some live music -- got pissed and was too hungover to remember our "date".

He's not the only one. It's just that this happened today so I rant about it. It seems like the internet really doesnt do justice to trying to keep friendships either. Tried talking to some good friends on the internet, but I generally get half hearted responses, and an "so-and-so is offline" without so much as a "bye bye".

Man, how easy is it to put aside friendships? I guess the next time they turn around I'll probably no longer be there anymore.

If you think I'm talking about you, then start talking to me or I'll find some new playmates, even if they have to be imaginary.

And all this time I've been trying to convince myself it's not so bad. I forced myself to love modules even though they bombard me with unnecessary maths and statistics. I forced myself to overlook their flaws and look at the interesting parts. I convinced myself I'm learning interesting things and one day it'll all make sense. I thought I found Will again.

How am I supposed to continue if you won't cooperate? The moment I stopped staring at closed doors and begin my climb out the open window, you slam shut in my face. Again and again I ice my bruises and get on to the next emergency exit, again and again you lock me in with fire burning my oh-so-very-flammable ass.

Just when I found the motivation to aim for a second upper honours, you ram a wall in front of me with the words "NO FUCKING WAY" spray painted on it, followed by incessant cackling. Just when I finally stopped being the self-absorbed and will-less useless bastard, you tell me that's who I am and that there's no use trying to be anything else.

Just when I'm considering the option of going back to Singapore, you took the initiative to banish me to the eternal hells under the dictorship of the Lees. Why don't you just write out the plans you have for me and I'll accomplish them by myself? That way you wouldnt have to dirty your sacred hands and waste so much time on me.

I really wonder if you know how much pain and torture you put me through.

"First they came for the Jews,
and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists,
and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak out for me."

-Martin Niemoller, German theologian who spoke out against the Nazis and was incarcerated in the concentration camps from 1937 to 1945, very nearly executed.

goddamnit.

Ever watched something (either on youtube, on the stage, on the streets etc), and had this feeling of your heart rate accelerating, your eyes nearly in tears, and a shortness of breath (inevitably caused by an increased heart rate)? And just said to yourself a million times over how much you wish you're the one standing on that "stage" and not whoever you're watching?

yea. that's it.