I give up.

"It is best to follow your heart, I think. The head is more reliable but eventually does not satisfy."

And so it would seem.

"There, among the punk sophisticates and bow-ties and shiny shoes and bare-backed women, was Mum, wearing a blue and white dress, blue hat and brown sandals. Standing nearby was my brother, little Allie. All I could think was how small and shy my mum and dad looked, how grey-haired and fragile they were, and how the distance they were standing apart looked unnatural. You go all your life thinking of your parents as these crushing protective monsters with infinite power over you, and then there's a day when you turn around, catch them unexpectedly, and they're just weak, nervous people trying to get by with each other." -Hanif Kureishi, The Buddha of Suburbia

Rashez, if you read this, this is a book you should read. It's about an Indian migrant family in London.



Have you ever had the feeling one sudden day, when you suddenly realise time has stopped somewhere sometime somehow? And it is almost as if you're walking into some different dimension that looks like the world you used to exist in. People talk to you, through wires. People walk next to you, but they dont see you. You eat you sleep you read you talk you scream. But you don't seem to have any effect on anything. You get excited over seemingly exciting events. You sing out loud, you dance, you cry, you talk to ducks, you chase pigeons, you smoke out of your window, you get pierced, you get tattooed. But there's nobody around to prove that you have just done what you did.

All the feelings in the world seem to happen within me. And only within me. I seem to be existing in a world of my own. Somewhere in this world I have my little bubble. I make up my own stories. I write my future. I talk to my toys. I sing to myself. And everything, in hope of creating a memory somewhere.

I'm in magicmushroom-hashbrownie-prostitutewindows-gay-cyclistabundant LAND.

More affectionately known as AMTERDAM!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEe.



For some reason, the whole world seems to think that I'm stupid. Heh. Maybe it's true.